How to deal with your significant other losing their job

How to deal with your significant other losing their jobHow to deal with your significant other losing their jobWhen my husband lost his supposedly stable job (just a casual two months before our wedding), we went through one of the roughest patches of our relationship - fruchtwein of it being my fault.I still remember him calling to say the job was done. It was minutes after learning I needed extensive dental work and I was on his insurance. Cue the sweat, anxiety, questions, and lots and lots of tears.How will we pay for the remainder of the wedding? Will he ever get a job again? Where will we live? Will I need to pick up another job? Will my teeth fall out if I dont get this dentist work done?Spoiler alert He got a job two months later, we still got married, we never became homeless, and I still have my teeth.But lets just say I learned a few things throughout the process, and if I had to go through it again, Id do things VERY differently. If youre currently going through it (se nding a hug and a big glass of vino), or do in your future, act better than I did. Heres how.Be supportiveIf theres any time to put yourself in someone elses shoes, its when theyve been let go from a job. So much of our identity is wrapped up in our careers and money, and most of us have a strong urge to contribute to our family - which, after losing a job, feels impossible.But stuff happens Especially as a partner, its crucial to remember that your partner is human, too. Theyre already feeling down on themselves and likely embarrassed. Just like two athletes on a team, you must be able to pick your teammate up when theyve had a shitty game or dont make the basket (or you know, something similar but less sporty).Batch your adviceIm gonna go out on a limb and say that most women reading this have been accused of nagging. Guilty as charged But Ill let you in on a brilliant piece of advice I got from a friend during this jobless period Batch your advice into rare occasions.If you find a job posting that seems amazing and want your S.O. to check it out, simply save the link on your phone. Resist texting them every single job you come across. Even though it might not feel like nagging to you, it likely does to them (and it is). And you know what, theyre likely already looking at that same job - so youre overkill at this point.Instead, once a week, send an email to your loved one with jobs people have sent you or any leads you might personally have. Then, do your best to let them decide which jobs they apply to (imagine that).Same with talking about it. Learn from my mistake and DO NOT ask for an update every single night over dinner. Reminder Youre not their mom, youre their partner. Not only is that more nagging overkill, but its also bad for your relationship. Your S.O. is an adult, and likely pretty capable - theyll find something. Let them tell you when theyve applied to a gig (if they want), and continue talking about other things that you did before the lo ss.Treat themYes, you read that rightInstead of being resentful and reminding your S.O. that they arent contributing financially, cut them some slack. Think about how youd want to be treated. Even when bills are tight (been there), think of a way to treat your significant other and raise their spirits.Maybe its a massage (by you OR a trained professional), a beer at the local brewery, or even a little picnic in the park. Dont spend money if you dont have it, but get creative in showing your partner that youre there for them. Job or no job, they still (likely) deserve a little love. It might be the supportive boost they needed right before a big vorstellungsgesprch, tooPlan around your budgetIf youll be the bread winner, or if neither of you will be working, its obviously important to budget. Even if your S.O. gets a job again soon, youll have a few weeks/months of limited income. Take that income, plus any crucial bills, and do some math - together - so that youre both on the same page.Since you dont know how long this strict budget will last, save money on weekly bills like grocery shopping, and think about cutting costs like Netflix and your gym membership. You might even realize that you dont need a lot of the auto-pilot services youd been paying for - even after a job is foundIf money is really tight, as it was for us with the wedding approaching, consider moving back in with a set of parents for the time being. We did it (and survived). Our San Francisco rent was something we didnt want to be stressing about, especially if it took a while to find a job. So, we packed up and moved in with my parents for a few months. If you have this option, or can bring in a roommate to help cover costs, its one way to reduce major budget stress.Give it timeFinding a job that suits someone well usually doesnt happen overnight. Let your partner find something that makes them happy or is a good fit. I can guarantee that youll feel disappointed after they come home from a n interview saying they didnt like the role after all, but again, put yourself in their shoes.It might take a little while longer, but at the end of the day, you dont want to go through this again soon. Let them find a gig theyll be happy at for a while - instead of forcing them into something because of your stress levels. They can always find a part-time job in the meantime if this is taking longer than youre both comfortable with.This article first appeared on The EveryGirl.